SETTING: A restaurant (sitting). Or walking on a shore (standing).
(AT RISE: SUSAN fidgets. Smiles at her date.)
What are we doing… the last five years? Okay, I’ll do it. You first. Kidding. I’m kidding. I’ll go first. Hmmmm. Let’s see…. In the last five years I… Wait. You Know what, first I just have to say… I’m really glad you asked me out. I was stunned. (giggling nervously) Okay, okay. The last five years, that’s what we’re doing? So in the last five years I…. (concentrating, she thinks of something that happened in the last five years) My house was robbed! Twice actually. My car was stolen. Two times. The rental car that I got when the car was stolen? Side swiped. Both times. Um…. I sprained my ankle so bad I had to wear a cast for six months. I wrenched my knee. I gained fifty pounds. The left side of my face has been numb for over two years. Oh, and I had… (stopping abruptly) Um… I had five miscarriages in a desperate attempt to save my marriage. My nephew was mugged. My son cut off his finger with a skill saw. My other nephew, who’s twenty-two, was arrested and wrongfully accused of sexually molesting a minor. My husband was arrested for a DUI. (holding up two fingers for twice) He thought I was having an affair. I wasn’t. But he kicked me… literally kicked me out of our bed. Called me a whore. I crawled away. Locked myself in the bathroom. Slept on the bathroom floor. We both know how that turned out. My mom died. (choking up) My dog died. And I started to think, “You know what? I think I’m good. I’m not seeing much more I can do here. I think I’m good to go. But then I realized that when you line all that shit up… I don’t know… it gets kind of funny. (chuckling) I went to my high school reunion last week. And the first person, actually, the second person I saw said, “I thought you were going to become a famous actress, whatever happened with that?” I said, “That’s funny. I thought you were going to become a nice person, whatever happened with that?” But you know what? I’m wearing really cute underwear right now. I have new, super comfy shoes, I lost the first twenty-five pounds. And life is suddenly new… and fun…. I may not be a famous actress tonight… but I am really glad you asked me out. (breathing the sigh of a lifetime, she grins and then challenges him) Your turn.
END OF SCENE